Evens are Odds: January 2018

How to Flirt

"Evens are Odds presents: How to Flirt; The Official, Definitive (,Evolving) Guide" ALLISON: *at checkout* "Back again! Guess you forgot something?" TEDDY: *looking away as he passes over his merchandise* "Yes...Forgot..." ~ "STEP 1: Lay down a KILLER witticism: Witticisms are a great way to convey your interest with *ABSOLUTELY NO* risk of coming out as clunky, overly-magniloquent impediments to natural flow, with an inherently unrealistic expectation of continued conversation..." TEDDY: *as Allison is busy inputting something into the computer* "Yeah, I'm back! Guess I just couldn't get enough of the customer service!.." ~ "STEP 2: Adapt: Be prepared to think on your feet & come up with some recovery lines on the spot on the *OFF CHANCE* the exchange doesn't progress EXACTLY as you rehearsed it in the hours you spent honing that *masterpiece* of an opener..." ALLISON: "Sorry, what was that? *clearly didn't hear* I was still on the previous conversation I was having about investments *obvious opening*" TEDDY: "..." ALLISON: "Oh, customer service you said? Did you need help w/ something? Find everything OK?" TEDDY: *in thought bubbles, considering options of what to say* "No, found everything just fine! Was referring more to the exceptional checkout personnel!" or "Sorry, I was just stupidly trying to be witty or something... I just meant keep up the good work!" ~ "STEP 3: BAIL!: Oh crap, we're actually doing this, aren't we? What are you doing? Say something! No, not that: You're just saying words... You're saying random words right now. No, you know how money works. That's not how money works..." TEDDY: *slightly manic, hurrying out the door* "NO IT'S FINE! I DIDN'T NEED ANYTHING ANYWAYS, HA HA! OKAY, BYE, YOU’RE WELCOME! BYE!" ALLISON: *in the background calling after him holding out the shopping bag with his purchases* "Um, your bag?" ~ "👍Good job! I'm sure they got the gist of it!👍"

"Why do you have 2 dozen of those True Value purchase bags with just 1 individual screw each?"

General Guidelines for Engaging in a Flirtation:
1.) Probably find a more normal way to say it than "Engaging in a Flirtation".....

Accustomed

*Teddy walking by notices Allison's phone left behind on the table* TEDDY: *sends Allison text w/ a photo of him holding reading "Haha, forget something? ;)" *Allison's phone rings in his hand receiving the text*

"What do you mean SMS isn't a format for communicating telepathic information directly into some else's brain?!..."

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